Noah was a four-year-old who had been enrolled
in my preschool for a few months. We spent a lot of time together
and I had established a very warm rapport with him. Because of
this, I was shocked when I entered the classroom one morning and
he ran from me screaming, "Stay away from me!" His
terror was so intense I had to leave the room until another
teacher could calm him down and determine the problem. The
problem, it seems, were my new shoes. They were black, and
according to Noah, witches wear black shoes!
Fears of witches, ghosts, bogeymen and other imaginary creatures
reaches a peak in the preschool years. Whereas as younger
children are commonly afraid of everyday things such as dogs or
storms; preschoolers tend to develop fears of the imaginary or
unreal.
The development of these fears is actually evidence of maturing
cognitive development. The child is now more creative and
imaginative. And yet, we also know their perspective is still
developing. Children in this age range are not very logical in
their thinking and in fact have difficulty distinguishing fact
from fantasy. In a young child’s mind, objects can take on
life-like characteristics. A baby doll really can feel sad and
the tree outside can use its branches to intentionally knock on
the bedroom window!
It is important both parents and caregivers of young children can
understand their fears and respond in an appropriate manner.
First and foremost, the adult needs to show respect and
acceptance of the child’s fears. These feelings are very
real to a child and admonishing or downplaying a child’s
concerns do not help a child feel calm or learn to cope with
their strong feelings. Forcing a child to confront their fear or
pushing them into a fearful situation is often
counter-productive. You can serve as both a role model and a
guide in helping young children. A slow sympathetic approach is
best.
When Noah was so scared that morning, I immediately removed the
source of the fear; me. My co-teacher was then reassuring and
comforting as she helped him regain control to the point he could
tell her what was wrong. She then asked him if he would be
frightened if I returned to the room as long as I removed my
shoes. He said no, so I returned wearing just socks. I was then
able to sit with him and ask if he was still uncomfortable. He
made it clear I was only a scary witch if I was wearing the black
shoes. Next I asked him if the shoes alone were scary. With
gentle encouragement, I took him to the hall to see the shoes
where I had left them. I challenged him to talk about how the
shoes could transform someone into a witch. "What if a man
put them on?" " What if we painted them red?" I
gave him control to find out how this could be less scary for
him, and he had the idea he should put the shoes on!
"Because," he said, "I know I am not a
witch". Of course, the shoes brought upon no transformation
in him. He then agreed that I was not a witch before the shoes
and was able to see they would not change me either. I was then
able to put my shoes back on.
I let Noah control the rate of approaching and exploring his
fear. At no time did I tell him he was silly or that big boys
know better. I will admit that if at anytime he had became
anxious or fearful again, I was prepared to back off and may have
considered decorating my shoes red for the day. On this day, Noah
gained some autonomy and confidence in coping with other fears he
may have. He learned that his feelings were important and valued.
He learned how to use words to express his emotions. And, of
course, he learned not all witches wear black shoes!
Copyright 2004 ~Joni Levine